


The Mirror's Reflection

by turtlelikelemon



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Angst, Assassination, Blood Magic, Dark, Deal with a Devil, Drama & Romance, Fairies, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, drugged
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-19
Updated: 2016-04-20
Packaged: 2018-06-03 05:35:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6598822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/turtlelikelemon/pseuds/turtlelikelemon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>America and England have dark secrets of their own that neither want the other to know about. When an event happens that threatens to expose their dark sides, will they finally reveal their sins to one another? Or will they try to push each other away even more? To make it even more complicated, a shared kiss might be just their downfall.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is originally an America/England role play from tumblr with alfred-f-jones-world-hero, who did an awesome job by the way, and the only one I knew who would understand my need for this role play to be brought to life. I role played England, of course, to the best of my ability. 
> 
> The main theme is that nations have a dark side of themselves that have become necessary to survive and to protect their people and country. In this role play, specifically America and England, struggle to keep those dark sides hidden from each other, while also desperately trying to fight their feelings for each other. 
> 
> This idea was inspired by Kelly Clarkson's song, "Dark Side". Which I recommend to listen before you start reading, just to get a feel of where my inspiration came from. I strongly recommend you to listen to it, like now. Enjoy!

                                                                                                                                  

* * *

 

**Nations, Immortals.**

They are the people.  
A life not their own.  
Stand strong, they must.  
They hurt, when things go wrong.  
  
A persona they uphold.  
A smile and brave face they show.  
In truth, they are cold.  
For they need to deliver the last blow.  
  
An honorable job by day,  
Dirty and bloody hands by night.  
Who are we to say,  
They are not already broken at first sight.  
  
Nations, Immortals.  
They do the deed.  
Unspeakable things the public can never see.

_-A.K._

 

* * *

**Dark Side by Kelly Clarkson**

Oh oh oh, there's a place that I know  
It's not pretty there and few have ever gone  
If I show it to you now  
Will it make you run away?  
  
Or will you stay  
Even if it hurts  
Even if I try to push you out  
Will you return?  
And remind me who I really am  
Please remind me who I really am  
  
Everybody's got a dark side  
Do you love me?  
Can you love mine?  
Nobody's a picture perfect  
But we're worth it  
You know that we're worth it  
Will you love me?  
Even with my dark side?  
  
Like a diamond  
From black dust  
It's hard to know  
What can become  
If you give up  
So don't give up on me  
Please remind me who I really am  
  
Everybody's got a dark side  
Do you love me?  
Can you love mine?  
Nobody's a picture perfect  
But we're worth it  
You know that we're worth it  
Will you love me?  
Even with my dark side?  
  
Don't run away  
Don't run away  
Just tell me that you will stay  
Promise me you will stay  
Don't run away  
Don't run away  
Just promise me you will stay  
Promise me you will stay

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since this was originally a role play on tumblr, the format will be quite different. I didn't want to change too much to maintain the original feel of the story. So it will alternate between America and England's viewpoints, separated by a break line. Also, America and England use their human names, Alfred and Arthur respectively, throughout the story.

Alfred stared down at the bloody form of the spy. The grin on his face was marred only by the spots of blood that had landed there. After hundreds of years, Alfred had perfected the art of torture. This spy had been well trained and had several years of experience under his belt. Not enough to beat the American nation’s skill at retrieving information though. He was pleased at the few extra days now broken man’s resistance had offered him.

“Are you ready to talk now?” Alfred gently pet the blood stained blond hair, then laced his fingers through it, and tipped his head back so he had to look up into Alfred’s eyes. He thumbed a track washed clean of blood by the tears on the man’s cheek, and the spy began to talk.

—

Alfred wore a blue suit, white shirt and red tie. His hair was meticulous as usual and he carried his corporate briefcase into the world meeting. His smile was perfect, long since washed clean of the blood, but it hid something else instead.

The information he had gained from his interrogation was superb and someday the spy may even recover from it. But something Alfred had learned had bothered him like nothing in the world ever could. His friend Arthur was hiding something from Alfred, and Alfred was now determined to find out what it was.

* * *

 

Arthur looked at his watch for what seemed to be the fifth time ever since he quickly stepped out the meeting room and went to find a private area to make a call. It was quite unlike him to leave 15 minutes before the world meeting was about to start. Being the punctual gentleman that he was, at this time he was usually seated at his leather chair, a pile of documents in front of him containing information about the current agenda, and already writing notes on certain points that he wanted to clarify or question. 

He had been doing all this when his phone vibrated and received a text from a certain number he knew all to well. The message was in code and Arthur had read it with ease and deleted it as soon as he was done. Seeing as there were still nations missing, including a certain American, he decided to make a quick call and stepped outside.

Arthur made sure to lock the door and close the blinds on the windows. He then walked to the farthest end of the room, faced the corner so not even lip reading could be done if ever someone was watching. He was a cautious man and he took pride in that. Reaching into his front pocket, he pulled out a disposable flip phone and dialed a number. 

“This had better be good news.” He said gravely to the other end of the line. This was not the time and place for such risky matters to discuss, especially at a place where the world meeting was being held.

 After a heated argument, mostly one-sided on his part with cursing and reprimanding the person on the other end, and a few curt orders were given, Arthur hurriedly went back to the meeting room. He stopped before the double doors and closed his eyes, counting back from 5 to 1, breathing in and breathing out. He blinked his eyes awake and opened the door, making sure that he put on his usual grouchy face for everyone to see. 

* * *

 

Alfred smiled and watched as Arthur entered the meeting right on time. ‘ _Very unusual for him._ ’ For starters, it had been obvious to Alfred that Arthur had already been there; his things were already at the table. Alfred had not thought anything of it, until Arthur almost returned late.

 “Tough time of it in the bathroom Arthur?” he teased before the speaker could have a chance to open the meeting. “You should try eating less rock-like scones and more healthy stuff like burgers.” Alfred smiled his wining smile. “…Then you wont show up late.”

* * *

 

 

Arthur picked up his pace and sat in his chair right next to Alfred. It was his place and it  _always_  will be. Being on Alfred’s right side, somewhat gave him the position of right-hand man, in his mind anyway. Still, if other nations dared to steal his rightful place, they would experience his wrath without restraint. 

“Belt up, lad! I went to get refreshments. I was parched and just happened to get distracted by a lovely young lady at the reception desk.” Arthur started shuffling his papers, and continued since Ludwig was still trying to get Feliciano off and make him sit down. “If you haven’t noticed, there isn’t a refreshment cart here. They really should have one prepared. I told the lady to wheel in one when we get on break.”

“You should be grateful. If not for me, you wouldn’t get your daily dose of liters of coffee.” Arthur said to Alfred with a smug smile.

It wasn’t a lie; he did in fact inform the reception desk on his way back. He just chose to leave out some other details Alfred didn’t need to know.

* * *

 

“I drink gallons in coffee. Get it right. No one drinks liters of coffee.” Alfred pouted, but he was interrupted from his teasing when Ludwig stood at the podium and started the meeting. Alfred turned his attention to the German and nudged Arthur childishly in the ribs, and then settled in for the long boring meeting.

He made it his personal goal to try to liven up the meeting at every chance he could, and could not wait to be out of there.

“Hey Arthur, let’s go to lunch together;” Alfred whispered as the meeting was wrapping up. He was really not in the mood to be by himself and really wanted Arthur’s company. He glanced to Arthur hoping he would be in the mood to socialize.

* * *

 

 

Arthur was about to retort a comeback on how utterly stupid that was when most of the world agreed with him on using the metric system when Ludwig’s booming voice made him aware of his surroundings again. He sat up straight on his chair ready to pay attention, but then Alfred elbowed him on the side really hard, he had to bite his tongue to hold the series of curses about to let loose. He was sure that it would leave a nasty bruise and glared at the American who always seemed to forget his strength at times. He clutched his side for a bit, hoping it would heal quickly, and turned his attention back to the host once again.

Arthur rubbed his temples in circular motion, trying to soothe his nerves. Alfred was as loud and boisterous as ever, where all that energy came from would be a mystery forever to him. Maybe it was youth, and his _innocence_ , but Alfred was obviously not a child anymore. 

He turned to look at the nation at his side and saw the hopeful look in his eyes. He couldn’t bear to turn him down even though he was the source of his slowly fading headache. It was really unfair how Alfred could get away with anything with just a pleading look or a smile, the git didn’t even say  _please_  and Arthur still didn’t feel like turning him down.

“Alright, but don’t think I’m going because you asked. I just felt like it, that’s all.” Arthur said as he finished gathering his things, trying to avoid eye contact.

* * *

 

Alfred just smiled brightly, he was relieved, but he would never let Arthur know that he not only wanted him close, but also needed him close right now. He did not want to think of the lording over Arthur would do, or worse Arthur would try to baby him instead. 

Alfred packed up his things after the meeting closed. Yet again nothing was accomplished, but there was no shock there. These meetings were seldom ever worth the time Alfred spent preparing for them. 

“Hey, I will meet you outside.” he told Arthur as he stood and started for the door. He did not want to get waylaid by any of the other nations and asked to a group lunch. He just really was not in the mood for that at the moment. He pushed his way out the door and headed out to the parking lot. He headed straight for his rented car and pulled it up to the curb to pick up Arthur when he got out. 

It was still cool out but not as cold as New York. It was only starting to warm up there from the way too cold winter. Alfred turned the heat on low to cut the chill and unlocked Arthur’s door.

* * *

 

 

Arthur couldn’t help but think that there was something off with Alfred today. He was usually the one to invite a crowd for McDonald’s or whatever fast food was in the area. Yet today, he only asked Arthur, whispered even, and quickly left to fetch the car. It wasn’t that he didn’t appreciate it, in fact he liked spending quality time with Alfred alone, even if quality meant a bunch of complaining, playful teasing, small arguments between bites, and more frustrating yet enjoyable bickering with the American.

Being with Alfred was  _being with_  Alfred, and Arthur treasured those moments the most amongst the chaos he lived in.  _The light to my darkness, as they would say,_ Arthur’s cheeks blossomed a light pink, unsure how his musings concluded with that thought. Before he could get carried away even more, Arthur dismissed Alfred’s behavior as one of his various moods. 

Without further ado, he started to head out as well. Alfred was already waiting for him by the time he got outside, and he quickly stepped into the rented car and welcomed the warmth of the heater. “So have you decided on what you want for lunch?” He asked as buckled his seat belt on. 

* * *

 

 

After Arthur was buckled in Alfred made his way out of the parking lot and onto the road.

“I know this great little pub and grill. It is right around the corner from my hotel I am staying in. I had been taking a walk to the McDonald’s that is further down the block, when I started passed it. Man, let me tell ya the food smelled great! So I headed inside. It is a small mom and pop place and the food is really good! They play old German folk music. I think the place is pretty cool. You might even like it.” Alfred turned his head to look at Arthur and smiled. “Does that sound good to you, or would you rather McDonald’s or something?”

Alfred headed in the direction of his hotel. It was only a few blocks from the meeting’s location, so it would not take him very long. But there was nothing in Germany that was very big; he was a small, but powerful country.

* * *

 

“No, no. That pub and grill sounds wonderful. Let’s have lunch there.” Arthur replied with a small smile playing at his lips. Really, since when did Arthur prefer McDonald’s to proper food. Maybe when he and Alfred hadn’t seen each other for long periods of time he’d sneak out to buy a hamburger, but that wasn’t the point in this conversation. 

After that was decided, Arthur tried to make small talk on the short ride there. “So how are you Alfred? Anything exciting happening across the pond?” Arthur knew he was setting himself up for a long excited rambling from the American, but an elated expression seemed to suit Alfred better compared to his expression now. Although he was driving fine, the look on his face was contemplative. Maybe if Arthur let him talk, he’ll find out what the other was thinking about without really prying.

* * *

 

 

“Oh well I just launched another military satellite. It was actually supposed to go up 15 years ago, but we had to put it on hold. One of my spacecrafts are going to make a crater on the dark side of the moon this month, unfortunately it will be destroyed, but nothing could survive the impact from the other satellite it will get. It can’t be helped though.” He chuckled. “Oh I have a bunch of great movies coming out. They are supposed to be a hit this summer! You will have to come watch them all with me!” He grinned. “Well if you can. I know you will be busy. But ya gotta at least come see a few of them!” 

Alfred pulled into the pub and quickly found a parking space. There were only a few cars in the parking lot, but that did not mean much in Europe, most people seemed to prefer walking.

* * *

 

 

Arthur just nodded along as Alfred talked about his satellites and space ventures. When the topic shifted to movies, Arthur couldn’t help but let out a small sigh. He could already envision himself stuck in the cinema the whole day, being dragged by Alfred from one movie to another. It’s not like it hasn’t happened before. Well at least this time he’s getting the heads up and could prepare himself mentally. He might even consider bringing a thermos with tea, it wasn’t like him to drink pre-made tea, but it sure would serve its purpose and get him through the day.

"Well, I’m sure we can arrange something. Just don’t drag me to the beach though, I’d rather not pass out from heatstroke. Your summer weather is unforgiving and I’d rather stay indoors. At least it’s cool inside the cinema.” Arthur finished as he stepped out of the car. 

* * *

 

 

Alfred grinned as he watched Arthur get out of the car. ‘ _Who does he think he is fooling?_ ’ He quickly followed Arthur out of the car. He had always known about one of Arthur’s secrets. He had learned about it as a small colony. Alfred walked around to the other side where Arthur stood, placed an arm around the other nation’s shoulders, and pulled him close like he was sharing a secret. 

“Or, we can go to the pool, and you can let me finally teach you how to swim. Then you would not get heatstroke standing next to the ocean ever again.” Alfred tugged Arthur closer. 

“I am the best swimmer there ever was, and I can teach ya to swim almost as good as me.” Alfred released his grip on Arthur, gave him a wink, and headed to the doors of the pub.

* * *

 

 

Arthur was making sure he had his wallet with him when a heavy weight settled on his shoulders.  "Let go, you git! You’re he—" He stopped mid-sentence and turned his head to the side and suddenly Alfred’s face was very close to his. He wasn’t sure which one made his heart skip a beat, the fact that someone knew his long time secret, or Alfred’s face right next to his, the American’s breath tickling Arthur’s sensitive ears. 

Arthur struggled to get away at the same time denying everything. “I—I have no idea what you’re talking about. I can swim perfectly fine and care to remember that I was once a pirate. What bloody idiot would go out to sea and not know how to swim?!” Arthur cringed internally as he just called himself an idiot.  

Alfred had let go and was about to go inside, Arthur took long strides to catch up. As soon as the doors opened, his senses were assaulted by the flavorful scent of the food, and his mouth started to water.

* * *

 

Alfred sat across from Arthur at the small table. It was a cozy little place, filled with the smells of home style German cooking. Alfred had to admit he had developed quite a taste for it in his travels to the country. Alfred handed the waitress his menu after she took their order and he turned his attention back to Arthur. 

Alfred was getting ready to speak when his cell phone rang. He pulled it out of his pocket and looked down at the number before he considered answering it. He pushed the accept button, stood, and looked to Arthur and gave an apologetic smile. He mouthed ‘I will be right back’ He then pointed to the phone and mouthed ‘Work.’ and headed back out side the pub.

When Alfred was out side his smile dropped from his face like a rock and he move away from the entrance to lean against the wall.

 

“This is Alfred, go ahead.”

<…>

“He did huh?”

<…>

“Yah, thanks for letting me know.”

<…>

 

“No, that will be all.” Alfred hung up the phone and slowly slid down the wall. He stared at the phone for a few minutes more before sliding it into his pocket. A tear fell from his eyes and landed on his shirt and he quickly rubbed them both dry. Alfred pushed himself up and headed back inside, but before he pushed through the door, his smile was back in place. ‘ _Arthur must never know what a monster I have become._ ’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this chapter seemed too short, but I think it was a good place to end the chapter. I still have to edit the rest and clean it up, but not so much really. 
> 
> If you guys like the story so far, please don't forget to leave kudos and some comments! Even though the story is already set, I would love to know what you guys think. I'll post the next chapter tomorrow maybe. 'Till then! <3


	3. Chapter 3

Arthur looked around the [ _place_](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.yelp.com%2Fbiz_photos%2Fgustavs-pub-and-grill-portland-5%3Fselect%3DTHB4vc8xNIt-mFBWU0qRVA%238OLr33-23XD4Zbg_aq-xtw&t=N2JjNTc0MDNlYjNkZjQ3YTZjMDM5OGMwNTkwOTBhZDA1YTYwM2U5OSxFREhwRjdzNg%3D%3D) and noticed that it was just like how Alfred had described it. It had a cozy, homey atmosphere to it, there were TV screens hanging on the ceilings for the sports goers, and then the other half were tables and chairs. Nothing too fancy that made it comfortable for the customers who just wanted to eat and relax. There were also open windows lined up against the wall, natural light coming in. Arthur also admired the wrought iron chandeliers hanging on the ceilings and the wood furnishings that added to the charm of it all. It was certainly very Germany-y, if he had to describe it in one word. 

Arthur continued to look around when he noticed this one decoration to the left of their table that had writings on it, at the very top it said  _Anleitung zum Leben_. Arthur had lived long enough to be able to understand a few more languages than his own and that included German. It meant  _‘Guide to Life’_ , and indeed it was. The writings were German proverbs that he had heard or read before, but one in particular caught his eye.  _Lügen haben kurze Beine,_ translated to ’Lies have short legs’, meaning ’ _All lies come back to haunt you._ ’ Suddenly Arthur felt a cold shiver run down his spine, it was as if life had meant for him to see that, reminding him once again of his evil deeds past and in the  _present_. Even just this morning, it was that easy to lie to Alfred with a straight face. 

He looked up and it was at that exact moment that he spotted Alfred walking back to their table with a bright smile on his face. His only thoughts were, ’ _Alfred, you, only you I cannot bear to loathe me. Never again._ ’ 

* * *

 

Alfred already felt a fraction of a bit better once he that Arthur still looked like Arthur with his grumpy face and bushy eyebrows. It helped Alfred to know that no matter what Arthur would always be Arthur. Arthur was goodhearted and kind despite his outward appearances. Alfred knew he could rely on Arthur to be just that …good. His smile warmed once he sat down at the table. He took a sip of his coke.

“Hahaha! My boss forgot the meeting was this weekend. Can you believe that?! He was already chewing me out for not showing up to work today. I sometimes wonder how he got the job.” Alfred chuckled again. “So did I miss anything? You didn’t eat all our food already did you?”

* * *

  

Arthur’s dark mood seemed to evaporate every time he was around Alfred. It was always like that, Arthur had noticed. Alfred’s cheerfulness and purity of heart radiated and just like rays of sunshine Arthur felt his whole being enveloped in nothing but warmth and security. That no matter how wretched Arthur had and would become, the constant that is Alfred’s inner beauty would quell his inner demon. 

Arthur mirrored Alfred’s actions and sipped his tea, Alfred had a smile and so did Arthur. Both  _shared_  a look of contentment, though neither would know the  _weight_  of what they had shared at that moment. 

Arthur chuckled at the image of Alfred’s dumbstruck face when he received the call. Those looks were a priceless memory! Arthur wished he could have  _seen_  it. “You should have reminded him before you left you know, maybe a call to his secretary, perhaps. He’s only human, Alfred. They make mistakes.”  _So do we_. “And no, the food hasn’t even arrived yet.”

Speak of the devil and the waitress arrives with their food on a tray. Arthur then unfolded his napkin and spread it on his lap, ready to dive in when everything was served. 

* * *

 

“I would have, but my secretary just had her baby and is taking the month off.” Alfred bit down into a large piece of sausage, chewed it up, and swallowed it. “Her temporary replacement Rebecca, is … well let’s just say she had more boobs than brains.” Alfred chuckled. “She looks like one of those chicks in your magazines. She does not know how to do anything at all.”  He took a sip of his coke. “I have no idea how she got the job, but now I am having to do twice the amount of work, because she can’t do it.” he looked exasperated.

”I would fire her, but there is only a week left on her contract then Sandra will be back from maternity leave.” Alfred took another sip of his coke and a few bites of his potato. “At least she knows  _how_  to answer the phone even if she can’t take a message worth a dang. So I was a bit busy to remember to remind my boss.” Alfred chuckled and went back to eating. 

“Oh how are things going on your island?”

* * *

 

Arthur listened attentively as he sliced his [ _sausages_](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.yelp.com%2Fbiz_photos%2Fgustavs-pub-and-grill-portland-5%3Fselect%3DTHB4vc8xNIt-mFBWU0qRVA%23IRZhAbY6j1RlJ57seuSCpQ&t=NjdmMzBmZWI1OWI3ODdlMTc0NDU4ZTAxN2E3MTVhNTM2ZDVkYWMxZCxFREhwRjdzNg%3D%3D) to bite-sized pieces. He took a mouthful of warm German potato salad and mentally noted to himself on his next visit to congratulate the new mother. Arthur liked Sandra, she was always quick to steep him a cuppa even though Arthur had not asked for any, but still gladly welcomed it as she made delicious tea every time. “I advice you to reprimand the person who hired her, if he or she can’t even recognize what an efficient worker is, sooner or later you’ll find yourself surrounded by idiots.” Arthur said as he finished chewing a piece of sausage. 

“Actually, we’re in the same situation, though mine isn’t as horrible as yours. So Howard, my butler at home, Howard the VI, you’ve met him before, is thinking about retiring. And now his grandson, Howard the VIII, is undergoing apprenticeship under him. I don’t see any problems so far, that family always has been loyal to me, generation after generation, always bright young lads.” Arthur sipped his tea appreciatively. 

* * *

 

“How is Howard doing?” Alfred was always concerned for Arthur in regards to Howard. Arthur was always around humans, mostly because he always felt alone. He had known the family for quite sometime and was likely the reason the continued to name their first-born son Howard. He always ended up too attached to each generation and when one would die Alfred could always see the pain in Arthur’s eyes. He remained dignified about it, but Alfred wished Arthur would just break down and let it out properly. If the nation ever did, he never trusted Alfred enough to do it in front of him. Alfred did not have a butler or maid that lived in the home, his service came in twice a week, did their business and left, but that was only when Alfred was not hiring other nations down on their luck to come and help out. “Is he doing alright?” Alfred was still smiling but he was more serious than Arthur could imagine.

* * *

 

“He is doing fine. He still manages to wake up earlier than me; I don’t know how he does it. Though age is catching up to him fast, I witnessed it a couple of weeks ago. Howard was walking up the stairs then stopped mid-step; his hands were soothing his knees. Then he saw me and asked if I wanted tea to be served in the garden. Like that that’s what I was concerned about and not him. He didn’t show it but I’ve seen pain in all kinds, and I could tell he was obviously in agony.” Arthur mindlessly fiddled with his empty teacup.

“I offered him the day off to go to the doctor, but he refused and said he just needed rest. I tried to convince him but he wouldn’t budge. So I finally  _ordered_  him to do it. Maybe I was too persistent, but it was for his own good. You would have done the same thing right?” He looked into Alfred’s eyes, searching for understanding.

“So after that we found out that he had rheumatoid arthritis, just like his father, grandfather, great grandfather, and long before. It’s not entirely genetic, but coupled with his duties around the house, I could say after centuries of this that it’s likely to come with the job.” Arthur frowned, hating the fact that he couldn’t stop this cycle.

“So we agreed that his grandson start apprenticeship and take on his more strenuous duties and he would get the best medical treatment money can afford.” Arthur sighed, resigned but this was for the best. “Sorry if I’m rambling too much. You must be bored with my worries.” Arthur said sheepishly. 

* * *

 

Alfred listened intently as Arthur told his story. He now understood the man was very old and after several years of his employment was basically wearing his body out. He had only witness this before in some of his bosses. He never stayed around other humans long enough to have to witness that otherwise. After he had made Arthur leave once he won his independence. Alfred found himself turned to his first boss as one would turn to a father, and all too quickly watched him die, and it became a pattern after that. Alfred always stayed by their side until they reached their final resting place. That was more than what Alfred wanted to bear, but it was the least he could; hold their hand as the breathed their last breath. Alfred has done it ever since.

“I am just surprised you don’t have a house full of big breasted ladies in French maid outfits doing all of your chores for you.” He chuckled. “I bet watching them clean for a few hours would make the day go by a lot quicker.” Alfred smirked. “I would hire some, but they always get so jealous, and I had to make a rotating scheduled on who would service me.” Alfred finished off his food quickly.  

* * *

  

“That’s a lost cause. I doubt they could put up with me for long periods of time. No matter the entertainment value, if they can’t even stay for a year then what’s the point? And I value loyalty more than anything else, even women, except for my Queen of course.”

Arthur sipped his tea to hide the slight frown on his face.  _You pathetic fool! Of course Alfred would desire the company of women. What were you expecting? It’s only natural for a healthy young man; I would be concerned if he wasn’t. But still…_  Arthur tipped his empty teacup even more just to hide his growing frown. He closed his eyes as if he were actually drinking tea and savoring it, when in truth he was trying to block out the images of what those women did to  _service_  Alfred.  _Damn it all._   

* * *

 

“Actually you should expect the most loyalty from your queen, as I would from my president because if they are not loyal to the country they are in position to run, then who the hell needs them.” Alfred smiled. “I am loyal to you. And, I don’t see why anyone would have a problem with you. If they only take the time to get to know you, they would see just what a wonderful person you are…” Alfred froze. He could not believe he had just said that out loud. He felt like his was going to die. “HAHAHAHAHA! They probably cant get past those eyebrows,” he quickly started drinking his coke and looked away.

‘ _What the hell am I thinking? Dammit! Arthur is going to think I am crazier than normal. Just shoot me now._ ’ Alfred sighed.

* * *

 

Arthur for a moment was speechless, he was not sure if he heard Alfred right or if he was hearing things. “I—I… That’s…“ Arthur swallowed the lump in his throat. "Thank you. I am  _very_  pleased to hear that.” Arthur could feel his face growing hot at the praise.  _Loyal to me… Wonderful person…_  The words kept echoing in his mind. He was so happy; it was as if Christmas had come early.

Then Alfred mentioned his eyebrows and the  _spell_ was broken just like that. “Git! That has nothing to do with it.” Now he wasn’t sure if Alfred was joking or not, still he would be hopeful and keep those words in his heart. For after all, if Alfred was anything, he was an  _honest_  man. 

* * *

 

Alfred smiled and looked at Arthur. Alfred had been honest; Arthur was indeed a wonderful man. Sure like anyone else he had his rough spots in the past. That was normal for anyone _especially_  a nation, but he could see so much more than that in England. Alfred did not believe in heaven or hell, and even if there was one, nations would never be able to go there. But if a nation could have a soul, Alfred believed Arthur had one. Arthur was special and Alfred was always quickly reminded how much he missed him and needed to be around him, every time he came in contact with the Englishman. But now they were going to separate again. Arthur was going to go to his hotel and Alfred would go to his own. 

Alfred had a pressing question, but he was worried about asking it; he did not want Arthur to take it the wrong way and more importantly he did not want Arthur to say no. So he decided to ask one he could count on instead.

“We have the rest of the weekend here with nothing to do, since the meeting did not need to be extended to tomorrow. We should get some drinks and take a load off.” Alfred seldom ever drank, because he could not get drunk very easily. When he did drink usually ended up taking care of whomever he had drank with. ‘ _Two birds with one stone._ ’ Alfred’s original question was to see if Arthur would stay the night with him. He did not want to be alone. Right now he needed Arthur because when Arthur was not around, Alfred was just a monster. “What do ya say? First round is on me.” 

* * *

 

Arthur thought about it for a moment. So far the past months had kept him on his toes, it wasn’t on the news but the Queen had received a death threat. There was even an assassination attempt not too long ago though the man was caught immediately by Arthur himself. Now they were in the process of figuring out who sent the man, and earlier today he received bad news that their lead was a dead end. They would have to start over again on the investigation.

Arthur as personification of England took it upon himself to deal with these types of things,  _bad_  things. Death threats to his Queen were not only a political matter but also a  _personal_  one, and Arthur would reciprocate with a _bloodthirsty_  vengeance. This  _duty_  was something not even the Queen could stop him from doing. He had protected this land even long before in ways ranging from peace talks to  _mercilessly_  killing men and women with a bullet to the head with no remorse, after he had tortured them of course.

So if asked if he wanted a drink, then yes he bloody  _needed_  one. “That would be great.”

* * *

   

“Alright!" Alfred smiled. ‘ _That was easy enough._ ’ He never normally set out to get anyone drunk. It was usually more trouble than it was worth, but today, Alfred thought it would be worth it. Alfred started ordering them drinks. He already knew what Arthur preferred since he had drank with him enough times though the years, and Alfred matched him drink for drink, though it would not likely have any effect. Alfred remembered getting drunk once during the Civil War, but he had been drinking potato moonshine for three days straight during a really bad storm. He was drunk alright, but just barely and he did not even have a hangover afterwards. It did not bother him really, but sometimes, he wished he could drink himself to sleep.

"Cheers” Alfred tapped his small whisky tumbler against Arthur’s glass then tipped it back.

* * *

 

“Cheers.” Arthur held the glass up towards his nose, taking a deep breath in through his mouth and his nose inhaling and appreciating it’s complex aromas. Then he took it down and swirled it. He repeated this process at least three times, each time bringing the glass closer to his nose and breathing in more through his nose and less through his mouth. By the final nose, Arthur allowed the rim of the glass to pocket his nose and with a closed mouth, he breathed in as the spirit engulfed his senses. Throughout the process he noticed that the aromas change with each nose. 

He took his first taste of the spirit and as it hit his tongue, he swirled and splashed it around every part of his mouth before swallowing it. Appreciating the burn as it went down his throat. He had perfected the art of drinking single malt whiskey centuries ago. _Nothing beats Scotch straight up._  Arthur had thought as he repeated the process and ordered another.

Arthur had had a couple drinks already when he asked no one in particular. “Aren’t these chains getting heavier each day? I mean like I’ve had it for thousands of years now but.. I mean all we do is bloody work day and night.. Where’s the fun? Where’s the love? Oh bloody hell! I’m talking like that damn frog!" 

* * *

 

“Oh?” Alfred still sober looked over to Arthur curiously. “I agree.” Alfred could only guess Arthur meant being tied to our nations as the both were. Alfred often wondered why they were created and what their intended purpose was. Alfred ordered two more drinks a handed one to Arthur. He could tell Arthur was drunk, but he wanted to keep him talking.

“Things not going so well for you there?” He had not heard much going on lately in England, but there could simply be something his information network may have missed. Alfred’s network was worldwide, but he personally paid special attention to what was going on in the UK, he wanted to keep a close eye on Arthur in case he did ever have trouble, Alfred could respond quickly, but he could never tell Arthur that.

* * *

  

Arthur took the glass and took a swig of the hard liquor. “Bloody arseholes tried to harm Her. I gave ‘em a good beating, oh you bet I did.” Arthur’s sneer turned into a sadistic smile. “I would never let them get away with it but the bloody wanker lost track and cocked it all up. Now we’re stuck!” 

Arthur’s voiced died down and his expression turned solemn. “She heard what I did,”  _Mutilating the man was the only way to get him to talk._  “She wouldn’t even look me in the eye for weeks.” Arthur was close to tears. “I did it for her, for us. I had to."  

* * *

 

Alfred blinked confused at Arthur. He was getting more information than he had expected. ‘Arthur beat someone? Someone who tried to hurt  _her.”_ Alfred turned away and took another sip of his drink; now wishing he was drunk. ‘ _Arthur has a girl friend._ ’ Alfred wondered why his men had not picked up on that detail. ’ _And who would try to hurt her? Even the nations would not stoop that low unless they really had to, but who?_ ’ Alfred did not question the beating anyone would try to beat the crap out of someone who tried to hurt a loved one. Alfred was suddenly not in the mood to drink anymore.  

“Well as long as you’re out of hot water now.” Alfred chuckled. “I am sure if you give it some time everything will be ok. Yer just over thinking it.” Alfred patted him on the back, and looked into Arthur’s eyes. “You will be fine Arthur." 

* * *

  

Arthur turned to face Alfred, admiring his handsome face and sharp features.  _What_. His soothing deep voice, sincere look and comforting smile.  _So young._  Alfred will probably never know half of the hardships Arthur’s been through, but that was perfectly fine. He belongs to a different era, things were better and more fair now.  _He won’t end up like me._  

He reached out to squeeze Alfred’s shoulder reassuringly.

"You, too Alfred. You too.”

* * *

 

Alfred chuckled and smiled brightly for Arthur to see just how happy he could pretend to be. 

“Are you kidding me? I am always fine Arthur.”

Alfred tipped back his whisky and drank it like one would a glass of water. “Come on Arthur bottoms up. Lets get out of here.” They had been there for hours and Alfred was ready for a change of scenery and a change of subject. He did not want to think about Arthur and his girlfriend anymore. At this point he just wanted to go home and go to bed. He had decided to change his flight to tomorrow if they could squeeze him in. ‘ _Arthur has a girlfriend. I should be happy for him. At least he is not alone._ ’ Alfred smiled. Alfred was happy Arthur had someone special to keep him in his life, but a part of him could not help but feel a bit jealous. 

* * *

 

Arthur nodded and downed his Scotch in one gulp. He stood up and headed for the exit, swaying back and forth, and then completely missing the door since the floor was spinning and he was seeing doubles. He rubbed his forehead to sooth the pain. “Bloody wall’s in the way!”

* * *

 

Alfred smiled and shook his head. He paid their bill then headed over to his dearest drunk friend. Instead of trying to steer Arthur Alfred lifted the Englishman to his back.

“This way is safer” Alfred carried him outside into the cool evening air. “Hold on tight. I am just going to walk to the hotel since it is not that far from here. And it is easier than trying to get you in and out of the car.” 

* * *

  

Arthur wrapped his arms around the American’s shoulders, welcoming the heat emanating from Alfred’s body. His soft hair tickling Arthur’s cheeks, and it smelt of sunshine and apples, warm and sweet. “Hurry up, git.” Arthur said though no malice could be heard. He then snuggled even closer, face buried at the back of Alfred’s neck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's romance drama without misunderstandings right? ;)
> 
> ~  
> Please leave kudos if you enjoyed the chapter! Comments are loved too!


	4. Chapter 4

Alfred tried not to think about how light Arthur was or how soft the skin was that was touching the back of his neck, or how having Arthur this close made him feel. ‘ _That would be like torturing myself._ ’

He quickly carried Arthur into Alfred’s room. He walked over to the bed, pulled back the blankets and laid Arthur onto the bed. Alfred loosened and removed Arthur’s tie and shoes, before walking over to his side of the bed and undressing. Alfred removed All his clothes and set them on the dresser with Arthur’s tie then climbed into the bed and covered them both up. He turned on his side and began to watch Arthur. He was not sure if the Englishman had passed out or not.

* * *

 

Arthur wasn’t asleep just yet. He let Alfred take off his shoes and tie, then later felt the bed dip slightly. He opened his eyes to see Alfred staring at him and Arthur stared back. They stayed like this for a while. Arthur’s mind was fuzzy but he could still think simple thoughts like:  _Alfred and I are in the same bed, Alfred is naked, Alfred looks beautiful under the moonlight, and his lips are slightly open._  Then finally,  _I want to kiss him._  

And he did just that.

* * *

 

Alfred returned the kiss and deepened it before he realized what he was doing. ‘ _Am I crazy?!_ ’ Alfred pushed away from Arthur and got out of the bed.

“What the hell Arthur?! What about your girlfriend?!" That was when he realized he was nude. ‘ _I have completely lost my mind._ ’ He had intended to keep his boxers on. Alfred hurried to the dresser, pulled them on, and stared hard at Arthur.

* * *

 

Whatever alcohol he had put into his system this afternoon had gone and vanished when he realized he was kissing Alfred. His eyes were wide in shock and he was about to pull away when Alfred deepened the kiss and Arthur could do nothing but melt in his arms. Alfred tasted like whiskey and Arthur sought out more in the cavern of the American’s mouth. 

Then Alfred shoved him back and got out of bed. Instead of answering, Arthur found himself staring at Alfred’s exposed lower half. He wasn’t sure but he might have been drooling at the sight. When Alfred went to get his boxers, the gears in Arthur’s brain finally started. "What girlfriend are you talking about? I have no such person.” His words laced in confusion.  

* * *

 

“No, that isn’t what you told me earlier this evening. You even told me how someone hurt her and you beat them up. She found out about it and would not look at you for a week.” Alfred looked away genuinely upset. He could not handle looking at Arthur right now. He had the highest divorce rate that he knew of. He understood how this worked. A couple has a bad fight or several bad fights and finally one or both goes out and gets drunk, then does something like this to ruin their relationship forever.

“Look, don’t give up ok. If she makes you happy, then try to work things out. Otherwise be a gentlemen and leave her properly.” Alfred may have been a lot of things, but he never cheated on his partners.

* * *

 

Arthur had no idea what Alfred was talking about until he mentioned the part ’…would not look at you for a week.’ Arthur concentrated really hard and the only person who came to mind was his Queen and their discord not too long ago. So he figured he might have rambled about the assassination attempt when they were drinking. He was about to explain when Alfred started giving him relationship advice. 

The fact that Alfred sounded so serious, plus the ‘girlfriend’ misunderstanding, made Arthur chuckle at the silliness of it all. “No Alfred, there’s no way I can leave her. We’re married in a sense, though she has a husband as well.” He looked at Alfred one more time before he started laughing again.

“Dear Alfred, I was talking about my Queen, Elizabeth II. There is no such girlfriend in my life, there has only been y—” He stopped before he could say anymore. 

* * *

 

Alfred was stunned he could only stare at Arthur as he processed the new information. The first thing that jumped to Arthur’s thoughts were, ‘ _Arthur is single._ ’ That made Alfred feel a lot more relieved than it should have. ’ _Wasn’t I just happy Arthur finally had someone in his life?_ ’ He mentally kicked himself for being such a selfish bastard. The next thing that came to mind was, ’ _Someone almost killed the Queen and the UK kept it a secret._ ’ Alfred walked to the bed and sat down.

“I completely misunderstood you earlier. I’m sorry Arthur.” Alfred was still a little confused though, ‘ _Why did Arthur beat the man up? Alfred easily understood the need for it, but why did Arthur do it? It was no longer a couple of guys slugging it out over a girl, no this now has a deeper meaning as well._ ’ Alfred started chuckling. ’ _There is no way Arthur could be doing what I have been doing. I must still be misunderstanding this._ ’ That left one question to left to answer. ’ _Why did Arthur kiss me?_ ’ Alfred’s heart raced and he turned his full attention back to Arthur.

“Why did you kiss me?”

* * *

  

Arthur expected Alfred to ask more details about the assassination attempt and why Arthur had kept it a secret, heck he expected Alfred to be furious at him for laughing when he was so serious about the matter. But of all things, Alfred had to ask the question that Arthur wasn’t prepared to reveal,  _ever_ …  _‘Why did you kiss me?'_

“You looked inviting…” He knew that wasn’t the answer Alfred was looking for but it would suffice. 

* * *

 

“Oh.” Alfred smiled. Even though his chest hurt, he did not let it phase his smile. ‘ _These must be the secrets the spy referring to. The spy did not know what they were himself. These secrets were some of the things the spy was trying to get information on. More importantly, Arthur is keeping secrets from me, about something that would not only affect the UK, but the entire world itself. Why did my network not inform me of this? …And, he kissed me for no reason. I could have been anyone._ ’ It had been a while since Alfred had felt this disappointed. ’ _Something has changed about Arthur, and I don’t like it._ ’ 

“…Maybe next time, don’t. …I am going to go sleep in the living room.” Alfred grabbed his pillow, one of the blankets, and then headed for the living room on the other side of the door. 

* * *

 

Arthur did not like this, Alfred was smiling but it looked forced. With each step Alfred took, Arthur felt like he was slipping away from his fingers. It didn’t sit right with him to leave things like this. “Wait!” Arthur shouted in desperation. He scrambled to get out of bed to reach the American, to hold him there before things went really bad between them.

“I didn’t mean that… I mean..” Arthur struggled to find the right words to make Alfred stay. “If you’re angry that I didn’t tell you about the Queen, then I am sorry. I truly am. I should have, I know I should have told you. But some things didn’t make it that easy.”  _Like me dismembering his leg._

“I planned to tell you sooner or later, I really did.” 

* * *

 

“I understand Arthur, and I am sure you would have felt really bad had they come after my boss next and succeed. You don’t need my help, so there is no reason for us to discuss this. I am tired. I am going to go sleep on the couch, so you just keep the bed. …Good night Arthur.” Alfred grabbed his cellphone from the dresser, and then walked out of the room and closed the door behind him.

‘ _Idiot._ ’ Alfred could not even tell what part of all of this he was upset about. Nothing of this sat right with him. The first thing he did was call the secret service and put them on high alert and began relaying the information to his government.

* * *

 

Arthur didn’t know which was worse; his dark secret might be in danger or Alfred being disappointed in him. At least if he was angry, they could yell it out at each other and Arthur wouldn’t be feeling like this, guilty and torn.

Arthur rubbed his eyes to stop the tears from falling and sluggishly walked to the bed.  _Everything is a mess._  He slipped under the covers and held onto his pillow. _I’m tired._  He stared at the other side of the bed where Alfred had been moments ago.  _And I’m alone._  Slowly he moved to the other side of the bed, savoring whatever warmth was left from the American. 

* * *

  

Now that he had handed the information over to his government, they could decided what best to do with it. Alfred could lay back on the couch and just be …selfish. He touched his lips where Arthur had kissed him. ‘ _His lips were soft just like I thought they would be._ ’ He turned on his side facing the back of the couch.‘… _But it did not mean anything._ ’ He felt a shiver cross his skin even though he was not cold. As long as he had known Arthur, he had imagined kissing him like that. He had invented more scenarios than movies he had ever made, all focused on kissing Arthur for the first time like a lover. ’ _You idiot Arthur._ ’ Another shiver crossed his skin and he pulled the blanket tighter around him as he fell asleep.

* * *

 

Arthur woke up at exactly 5:30 am, his body clock set on continuing his daily routine. Seeing as there were no meetings to attend to, he tried to go back to sleep but then he’d remember what had happened last night between him and Alfred. Hence he ended up tossing and turning in bed the next thirty minutes.

Since there was no point in staying in bed any longer, Arthur started his day by brushing his teeth using the spare toothbrush included in the complimentary toiletries usually in the bathroom. After that, he tiptoed to the small coffee table in the living room and started the electric kettle. Arthur always carries emergency tea bags with him in his briefcase.  

While waiting for the water to boil, Arthur couldn’t help but turn his attention to Alfred sleeping on the couch. Kneeling ever silently beside Alfred, he brushed aside the soft bangs from his eyes, making sure not to wake the American. And he stayed there for a while, taking his time to watch Alfred sleep, breathe in and out, burning to his memory Alfred’s peaceful face as he slept without a care for the world. 

Maybe because Alfred was in another world of his dreams, Arthur finally decided to answer his question.  _Why did you kiss me?_  “I’ve always wanted to kiss you.” Unsure of where the courage came from, Arthur leaned in and kissed Alfred on the lips, soft and chaste. Then he stood up to steep his tea.

* * *

 

Alfred had awoken as soon as he had heard the door open, but he almost immediately realized it was Arthur and pretend to remain asleep. He just was not ready to face the Englishman yet with the cheery smile he had always tried to give him, so instead he listened to him move about the room, going on about his morning business. Alfred almost started to drift off back to sleep, when suddenly Arthur had walked over to the couch. He had to try hard not to tense. It was not that he did not trust him with his life, it was only the idea of having Arthur so close was not something he wanted to feel right now.

When Arthur brushed Alfred’s hair out of his face, he realized Arthur’s hands were not soft and smooth like he had thought. The other nation’s hand, though taken care of, were toughened and calloused from many years of hard work. Arthur had never been a slouch at anything he made an effort for. That was one of the many positive traits you could count on him for. 

Alfred almost smiled, but Arthur began to speak causing the American’s heart to freeze.

“ _I’ve always wanted to kiss you._ ”

What came next was just as unexpected from English nation. He felt Arthur’s lips on his own again. The kiss was soft and sweet, and then Arthur was gone. Alfred was grateful the other had left, as there was no stopping the blush that rose to his cheeks.

‘ _Alfred you have two decisions; confront Arthur or pretend to be asleep._ ’ Alfred already knew his answer though.

… He shifted a little on the couch and pretended to be fast asleep.

* * *

 

Arthur heard the shuffling in the couch and his heart almost stopped at the thought that Alfred might be awake and had witnessed and  _heard_  everything. He looked behind his shoulder and sighed in relief to see that Alfred was still fast asleep. 

After drinking his tea, Arthur decided that he might as well get breakfast for the both of them. He decided on McDonald’s since it was walking distance, he’d seen which direction it was when they were on their way to the pub and grill.  _It’s not like I’m getting McDonald’s because I want to make it up to him._

Arthur found a piece of paper and wrote down his message.

_I’m off to get some breakfast for us both. I figured you’d want McDonald’s so I’m heading there. I’ll probably get whatever’s on the breakfast menu for you then times three. But if you find this note and I’m still not back, call or text me what you want instead._

_-Arthur_

He grabbed his coat and went out to the chilly early morning. 

* * *

  

Alfred opened his eyes and pushed himself up into a sitting position on the couch, after he had heard Arthur leave. He looked down to the floor, but the note had caught his eyes and he lifted it and read it. Alfred set the note back down and headed into the bedroom to get dressed.

‘ _What am I going to do?_ ’ Alfred he thought as he shrugged on his shirt. ’ _I can’t let this get to me._ ’ He rubbed the back of his neck and then pulled on his pants. ’ _I have to …keep Arthur at a safe distance._ ’ He pulled on his socks and shoes, then went back out into the living room.

Alfred picked up his cellphone and sat down in a chair at the dinette. He called the airlines and changed his flight from tomorrow to today. 

‘ _Only a couple more hours, then I wont have to see him for a while._ ’ Alfred then went back into his room and began packing his suitcases.

* * *

  

Arthur had ordered take-out and was on his way back. He took his time, mainly because he had to think first on how to face Alfred. Sure, some things were cleared up between them last night, but that didn’t change the fact that he had kept something important from Alfred, and the man had to find out in the most awkward of ways. He still had hope though; maybe with sleep Alfred was in a better mood. If things go well over breakfast, then they could plan their itinerary for the rest of the weekend. With that thought in mind Arthur was in a better mood and hurried to get back. 

Arthur took out the key card he borrowed and opened the door. Since he didn’t get any text from Alfred at all he assumed the man was still asleep. To his surprise, the couch was empty.  _Calm down, Arthur. He’s probably inside the bedroom taking a shower._  He walked to the dinette and set down the food before heading to the bedroom door and knocked. 

“Alfred, I’m back.”

* * *

  

Alfred was just finishing packing his bathroom things, when he heard Arthur call out.

“I’m in here Arthur, just packing up.” Alfred zipped the small attaché bag, walked into the bedroom, where his suitcase lay open on the bed, and set it into the suitcase. He was done. All he had to do was lock it and he could go at any time.

He walked out into the living room and smiled when he smelt the McDonald’s “Thanks for getting us breakfast! I am freaking starving!” He grinned, sat down at the table. Alfred immediately grabbed his coke and took a sip.

* * *

  

Arthur was relieved to see Alfred all bright and cheery. It was as if things were back to the way they were before all this happened. He started munching on some chips when what Alfred had said finally caught up to him. “Why are you packing up? Our flight isn’t until tomorrow evening…”

His voice died down as it occurred to him. “You’re leaving?”

* * *

  

Alfred pulled out one of the sandwiches and took ate a bite before he replied. 

“Yah, I talk to my boss last night and explained everything that happened and they asked me to come home today if I could get a flight. I was able to get one that leaves in a couple hours. It is not like I had any plans anyway.” He smiled, then finished off his Egg McMuffin, before reaching for another one. “Besides, I am sure you have more pressing things to take care of, than hang around me.”

* * *

  

Arthur couldn’t help but feel let down that Alfred was leaving so soon. He was hoping this weekend would be a relaxing one, to be able to at least breathe and not think about the people behind the Queen’s assassination attempt even if just for a while. So when the time comes that he has to go back to his duties, Arthur will have a refreshed mind and might even come up with a different strategy now that his mind has de-stressed as one might say. But, alas, things don’t always go the way we want to.  

“Of course, of course.” Arthur wiped his hands with a napkin, having lost his appetite. “If you could just drop me off at my hotel, that would be dandy. Then we can go our  _separate_  ways.” Arthur steeled his expression as not to alarm the other on how disappointed and  _hurt_  he was. 

“Let me just go grab my things.” He said and went to retrieve his briefcase. Trying very hard to ignore the  _aching_ in his chest. 

* * *

 

“Yeah, sounds good.” Alfred shoved the food into his mouth so he would not have to fake smiling anymore. He was not hungry anymore. Even though it was for Arthur’s own good, Alfred still felt bad. ‘ _Arthur may not be thinking relationship, but after everything that had happened, both good and bad …_ ’ Alfred was very much so thinking about that kiss, those words, every touch, and Alfred knew there was no way that would be possible. ’ _He would end up hating me._ ’

Alfred dropped the rest of the sandwich back into the bag. He smiled, stood and walked into the bedroom to lock up his suitcase. “Admit it.” Alfred exclaimed before he had a chance to stop himself. “You are going to be so bored without the Hero around. …That’s alright, I get that a lot.” Alfred teased.

* * *

 

Arthur was glad he had his back turned to Alfred as he closed his briefcase on the coffee table. “I will.”  _…Miss you._  “It’s not like I have a loud, annoying American following me everyday.” He said in retort to help lighten the mood.

 _Git! Can’t you at least be a bit sad that we won’t be seeing each other for a long time?_  Arthur wanted to ask him, but kept his mouth shut. Instead he turned to face Alfred and said. “Well, I’m sure you’ll have more fun without a grumpy, old,” _murderer,_  “…man like me around, am I right?” Arthur tried to fake a smile, though how convincing it was he wasn’t sure. He just hoped Alfred would go along with this  _act_  so the separation wouldn’t be as painful and bitter as it is. 

* * *

  

“Yah anyone would be …" ’ _That look …_ ’ Alfred felt himself stepping closer to Arthur. ” a lot more entertaining than a dried up … dammit.” Alfred reached out and pulled Arthur into his arms and kissed him.

* * *

 

Arthur was taken by surprise but he knew he needed and wanted this just as much as Alfred seemed to. So he kissed him back, wrapping his arms around Alfred’s neck to pull him closer. "Took you long enough, git.” Arthur said in between kisses. 

* * *

 

’ _Oh gods … what have I done?_ ‘ Alfred felt the rest of his resolve crumble away as he held and kissed Arthur. Alfred pulled Arthur closer to him and held him tight as he deepened the kiss. Arthur felt so good in his arms. Alfred eventually broke away from the kiss. He released Arthur and stood back to look at him. Alfred’s face had a look of anguish and his eyes looked very tired despite having slept. Alfred looked aged and saddened. He looked like himself, the way he really was. He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Alfred looked down to the floor then walked over to the bed and sat down on the edge of it.

* * *

 

Arthur couldn’t believe this was happening, it was too good to be real. He held on tight to Alfred to make sure it wasn’t all a dream. When they pulled apart and Arthur had a good chance to really look at Alfred, he was confused and concerned. Confused since Alfred looked like he regretting kissing Arthur, and concerned since Alfred looked pained, not physically, but his eyes looked pained. 

He followed Alfred to the side of the bed and knelt before him so he could see the other’s eyes. “Alfred, what’s wrong? Tell me.” He squeezed his hands reassuringly.

* * *

 

“Sorry Arthur, I …should not have done that.” ‘ _…Even though it felt so right._ ’ It was my mistake.” Alfred stared deep into Arthur’s brilliant green eyes. “But, I really wanted to. I have wanted to for so very long.” Alfred chuckled and his eyes softened. “You deserve better than me. We should just forget this. It was only a kiss, so there was no major harm or foul.” Alfred could not believe his own lies. He stared at Arthur and smiled warmly. Alfred’s heart and mind were in total conflict. “I’m just a fat, idiot American, who is incapable of doing anything right. You agree don’t you?” Alfred chuckled again. ”Tell me you agree.” ’ _…God please don’t_ ‘. 

* * *

 

It was as if Alfred had stolen those words right out of his mouth. They were exactly the same things Arthur wanted to say to Alfred. It would have been fine if it was just Arthur, he could endure it alone, but with Alfred feeling the same as well it just doubled the pain.  

“Hush darling, it was no mistake it was  _perfect_ , I assure you that.” Arthur intertwined his hands with Alfred’s. “But I beg to disagree, it is I who is not deserving of you. And even if I needed to, I could never forget  _this_ , I could never forget  _you_.” Arthur raised Alfred’s hands to his lips and gently kissed each one.

Arthur knew in his  _mind_  that it was for the best if both of them just forget what happened in this room, but his _heart_  screamed to tell the truth. Arthur hasn’t been this honest for a long long time, putting his heart out in the open was like a breath of fresh air. His true feelings were usually hidden deep under his stern facade.

But with Alfred like he was now, Arthur knew he had to hold on to him, to keep Alfred from sinking deeper into the deep  _dark_  place he was in. It was a familiar feeling though Arthur couldn’t put his finger on it.  

“Don’t be silly, Alfred. You are the kindest, bravest, most capable man I’ve had the pleasure of meeting. And if there was anything your little display last night proved, it is that you are  _definitely_  not fat.” Arthur leaned up and placed a quick kiss on Alfred’s lips and grinned mischievously. “As a matter of fact, you looked sexy and delicious, like a Greek god statue bathed in moonlight. I had to use every fiber of my being to stop myself from jumping you right then and there.” 

* * *

 

Alfred stared in shock as he listened to Arthur’s words. The blood in his veins began to hum in vibration and Alfred slowly began to feel warmth grow that he had not felt in a long time. The warmth began to spread through his whole body. He could almost feel so many layers of ice melt from around his heart. But as Arthur continued to talk and began complimenting Alfred’s body, he could only smile. Three hundred years in the military did not make you modest. 

“Oh? You liked what you saw did you?” Alfred shot Arthur a sexy look. He reached down and wrapped his hands around Arthur’s hips and lifted him to the bed to sit beside him. Alfred’s look became a little more serious and he turned on the bed to face Arthur better. 

“So, if we feel like this. What would you like to do? I am very conflicted for my personal reasons, so I would like to hear what you think.”

* * *

 

Alfred’s change in demeanor made Arthur shiver in excitement and his heart beat race. What boldness he had earlier was now reduced to a quivering mess as Alfred lifted him off the floor and onto the bed. The thought of all the possibilities of what they might end up doing on this mattress started a craving Arthur had not felt for a long time. 

But Alfred’s next words broke through his lust-filled mind like an arrow hitting bull’s eye, and suddenly logic and rationality were overpowering his thinking and actions. “Oh Alfred, you know what I want. And I want it badly, for a long time now.” Arthur cupped Alfred’s face and put their foreheads together, hoping his thoughts would reach the other at the contact. “ _You_ , I want you. But just like you, I am very conflicted as well.” Arthur stared at his sky blue orbs to convey his sincerity. “Because if we want this relationship, for it to work, we can’t do it now, not yet. Not when things are a mess and there’s a group of people set on harming us, and our countries. Until they are caught, I can’t guarantee that I’ll be able to put my all into our relationship; that would be unfair to you. And what if I take out my frustrations on you, then I would end up ruining everything. But most of all, if anything were to happen to you…” Arthur tried to hold back a sob as his tears fell down his face.

“I wouldn’t survive it… God knows I would willingly follow you soon after.”

* * *

  

Alfred swallowed hard. What Arthur said only confirmed what Alfred felt. ‘ _What the hell was I thinking?_ ’ “Yah, N-no you are right Arthur, this will never work …” Alfred stared into Arthur’s eyes and watched as the tears began to fall. He reached a hand out and gently wiped away some of Arthur’s tears. “Arthur, it’s alright. We are no different than before. You will always be my closest friend and I would not have it any other way. …” Alfred pulled Arthur into A hug. “Just forget every thing about today and last night.” Alfred released Arthur from the hug and stood. “I think I am going to leave first.” Alfred gave a soft smile, then grabbed his suitcase and left.

‘ _I wont let him see me cry._ ’

* * *

  

Arthur sat there for what felt like hours, crying and loathing the inescapable fate they were bound to. Alfred’s warmth was gone and the roomy was cold and lonely. Arthur heard his cellphone ring and unwillingly moved from the bed. He had gotten a text message from the Queen, requesting to see him as soon as he arrived back in England. Since there was no reason to stay any longer, with Alfred  _gone_ , Arthur booked the earliest flight back to England. 

Arthur looked at the outside the window of his first-class seat, the aching in his heart still heavy as he was constantly reminded of Alfred with the sky before him, a magnificent blue he longed for. Trying to catch some shut-eye, Arthur fell asleep staring at the expansive horizon, blue and distant, just like  _him_.

* * *

  

Alfred sat in his seat with his headphones on for the in flight movie. He was hoping for anything to distract him from how he was feeling, and stupid he must of looked to Arthur for even suggesting any sort of relationship. Alfred knew it had been a bad idea in the first place. He had a hard enough time keeping certain parts of his job out of the eyes of the other nations, especially Arthur his closest friend. ‘ _Its better like this. Even Arthur thought so._ ’ Once the movie started though, Alfred frowned; it was a romantic comedy. He sighed and pulled off the headphones and sat them to the side. Alfred leaned his head against the window and looked out into the clouds.

The captain came on with a message that they would be getting some rain. Alfred closed his eyes as he heard the first pitter-patter of drops hit the window. It was going to be a long flight, but at least the rain would help him sleep.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feelings! Why are feelings so difficult and complicated?! Don't lose hope you two! D:

**Author's Note:**

> The gif was made by uminomizu@tumblr as a gift during one of our skype chats.  
> The characters respectfully belong to Hidekaz Himaruya, the author of the Japanese webcomic, Hetalia: Axis Powers.  
> The lyrics in this prologue respectfully belong to Kelly Clarkson, songwriter of 'Dark Side'. 
> 
> The only thing I own is the imagination that brought this wonderful story together.
> 
> ~  
> This role play can be found at dark-usuk.tumblr.com.


End file.
